


Filling the Gap

by cutetani66



Series: Eunhae Army Verse [1]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 09:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10614063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutetani66/pseuds/cutetani66
Summary: Donghae does not know specific words to point out the best in Hyukjae. Sure, he had praised him several times on air, on different occasions, about different qualities, but those adjectives were a too low grade, too less.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from my AFF account. Happy reading~

For Donghae, Lee Hyukjae is someone who cannot be described in words.

 

What adjective can even justify the boy who marked his location inside shy Donghae’s heart from the very first time they met?

 

Donghae remembers going inside the spacious halls of SM building alongside a very excited Sungmin on a bright summer morning in 2002. Or was it 2001? Being bad with dates and years, he cannot point out the exact time, but the freeing of tons of butterflies inside his stomach upon seeing the petite but very flexible boy with a gummy smile dancing in front of many mirrors was just meant to happen.  _Regardless of the month. Regardless of the year._

 

Donghae is sure that even if he would have skipped that chance of being an SM trainee, he would have still met Hyukjae somewhere and felt the same mushiness in his gut. Even if they were old, wrinkly and already married several times when they meet. Because Hyukjae has that control over him, over Donghae, even though Hyukjae was unaware of that fact of many years.

 

Their awkward first meeting is a moment that is stored safely inside Donghae’s brain. He has played and rewound it many times to pause over that brief second of Hyukjae's eyes meeting with his. Those chocolate brown eyes were dripping with enthusiasm and interest, even if the sweaty body slumped and wanted a good rest after hours of practice. Those single lidded eyes were big and ready to show the new entrant the mysteries SM building held. And the way the full lips matched the energy the orbs carried, stretching wildly over the set of perfect teeth and showing pinks of the gum, made something stir in fifteen-year-old Donghae. He felt like holding that hand in his forever, letting the stranger show him anything that he wants. The strong connection that Donghae felt upon their first interaction went unnoticed by many of their peers, including Sungmin who was the first to befriend Hyukjae between the two, becoming first one to hold the ‘best friend’ tag awarded by Hyukjae. Donghae could not say he was jealous because that was not his place anyway; he was destined to be placed somewhere else.

 

Donghae knew of his reserved nature then, constantly avoiding getting into a conversation with other trainees. He was a little hesitant to speak. Even after practicing in front of the mirror several times, Donghae could not get rid of that little Satoori from his accent. He was nearing isolation when Jung Yunho saved him. Donghae’s laid back conversations with the Mokpo inhabitant showed him that he could be free to others as well. Accents don’t matter; people matter and true friends will regard you even if you believed in the existence of aliens, which he totally did not believe in. Nope.

 

Yunho was his first friend by default; they shared dreams, goals and their passion for dance aside from their native place. They went home together on holidays and had same troubles of going back and forth to school and training center in Seoul. They shared food, tiredness, and dance hours after a long day. Donghae often envied trainees from the capital city; unlike him, they had less tiring days and more time for practice. But that was just a childish envy. He knew the meaning of sacrifices and hard work. Donghae was the youngest at home. He could have rebelled against his father’s wish of him being a singer, he could have continued being a soccer prodigy, but he didn’t. Becoming Lee Donghae, the singer, weighed more to him than being Lee Donghae, the striker of South Korea National Soccer team, just because it was his Dad’s foresight. He knew the meaning of bonds, of relationships; even if he was named a brat by several other trainees sans Yunho who understood him, loved him, just like a little brother.

 

Jungsu hyung was the pillar Donghae relied upon ever since his entry in SM. He felt secure in his embrace, more open, more confident. The soft dimple that grazed his hyung’s face after each practice session was something that he looked forward to, even more than a pat on the back by the trainer. Even the constant entry of several other faces over the span of years was not enough to take him out of Jungsu’s motherly care.

 

Cold and confident Kim Heechul adored and still adores him to no end and Donghae himself isn’t sure of the reasons that triggered such a boost of affection from the former. Heechul is like an older sibling to him, like Donghwa hyung and the constant banters and several doses of insults thrown from both sides are the living proof of it. Heechul would die before admitting that he let Donghae step boundaries because he cared. Donghae could not stop a small smile from conquering his lips as he remembered the many times his weird but really sweet hyung cooked him pancakes during his exam days. Of course, Heechul coaxed him into saying good things about the little out of taste savories, but Donghae cannot complain. That gesture itself said hundreds of words that Kim Heechul was very proud to say.

 

 

Even after months and months of his trainee period, Donghae still wasn’t confident to share anything other than practice time with the boy who was responsible for many of his slip-ups and clumsy endings in the dance room. But that was destined to change and it did with the entry of Kim Kibum.

 

 

Donghae knew the feelings of leaving behind hometown, so he embraced Kibum as the latter entered the practice room. He welcomed him into newness, telling Kibum he would be there; there was no need to be insecure about anything.  Just like how Jungsu hyung had welcomed him, just like Yunho’s comforting gestures. From then, Kibum made Donghae his friend and confidant, relying on him for all the things, sharing his troubles and anxiety. Hyukjae tried to make conversations with him during that phase, for reasons unknown. Donghae had noticed the sudden change in his composure, the changes in Hyukjae's way of talking to him. His lingering gazes. But those many times, the talks were cut short due to many things, demanding calls by Heechul, or Kibum’s sudden anxiety attack or many trivial and important things.

 

 

Donghae’s and Hyukjae’s short talks developed into a friendship with the debut of Dong Bang Shin Ki. He had cried that day, that hot afternoon of 2003 when the news came to him- both with happiness and disheartenment. He was happy for Yunho, Jaejoong, Junsu, Yoochun and Changmin, as they had become friends in the course of his hanging out with Yunho, but got discouraged by thinking of his own future. Hyukjae who had come to congratulate Junsu, his school friend, and had patted Donghae on his back, saying words of encouragement. He awaited the good opportunity that Hyukjae was talking about to come his way. In those low times, he had started feeling apologetic towards his family.

 

 

With their debut, he felt that spark come back to him again and that was boosted by the strengthening of friendship between him and Hyukjae.

He does not know specific words to point out the best in Hyukjae. Sure, he had praised him several times on air, on different occasions, about different qualities, but those adjectives were a too low grade, too less.

 

 

_Handsome?_

 

Hyukjae is beyond handsome. The deep and pointy jaw line, dark and appealing set of orbs, plump lips and that perfect skin were nowhere enough to be described just like that. Physical aspects did give Hyukjae an edge that he does not agree on even today, always joking and getting joked about his ugliness. His lack of confidence always bothered Donghae, so he never left a day without telling Hyukjae otherwise. Hyukjae had to believe his own inner beauty, outer appearance, all those things that made Hyukjae. The eyes that never showed discouragement, lack of love. Lips that spoke for the good and the body that gave its best every time for the benefit of the group, for the people that relied on him. Hyukjae could never be ugly.

 

 

_Kind  hearted?_

 

Hyukjae always says that Donghae is very kind. Donghae begs to differ. Hyukjae is the one intentionally getting up late every day at the dorms just because he wants others to enjoy the limited hot water. Donghae knows this because every time he goes to Hyukjae’s room to wake him up at designated hours in the mornings, he finds him pretending to be asleep, single hand over his face to block the light. Donghae cannot help but jump on top of him and hug him tight, taking in a few more minutes of sleep. He knows members see that moment as him and Hyukjae slacking off again, but that is Donghae's way to thank Hyukjae. _Without uttering a word_. Hyukjae hugs him back every day and he just knows that this is perfect this moment. Donghae and Hyukjae.

 

 

_Talented?_

 

Donghae has always seen Hyukjae working hard to achieve the desired. Working non-stop at the practice room even after the practices are called off just to get that one motion perfect. Asking members about their suggestions on facial expressions that could suit his current variety script and enacting them for hours. Singing the one ~~-~~ or two chorus lines awarded to him for their group songs in the shower. Making up upbeat raps about anything that falls under his eyes- from strawberries to the TV remote, just to keep his practice going. After long hours at the photo shoot, he will be back at the dorm only to jump again on his bunk bed with a paper and pencil in hand, ready to jot down his inspirations.  Hyukjae says he cannot miss even a single day’s event, as who knows what little thing could make up a nice rap part. He calls it mind mapping.

Donghae feels so small in front of his enthusiasms, his eagerness, and his efforts. The world may praise Donghae for his compositions, but the force, the person behind all the words and work, has been always  Hyukjae. He may not know this, but for Donghae, Hyukjae is his inspiration, his idea, his pen and paper. So, Donghae takes up every chance he could to tell fans about the ever talented and hardworking Hyukjae, be it on the radio, in a variety or anywhere. Hyukjae had even chided him after a Sukira broadcast for opening up about a song that they were writing and composing together. But the small smile that crept up his face gave Hyukjae away. Donghae had even declined the offering of being a DJ on Sukira just to listen to Hyukjae broadcasting. That refreshing voice and smooth and free laugh always made him thankful to god. Thankful for making Hyukjae his.

 

 

_Adorable?_

 

Being tagged the king of adorableness ~~;~~ , Donghae knows just how inappropriate the title is on him, especially in front of Hyukjae. The taller is so sunny and cute that he never fails to bring out a smile on everyone’s face. Hyukjae is naturally witty, laughing that adorable laugh of his every time the members crack a joke. And that smile is the one that makes Donghae feel less insecure of his tiger teeth. Somehow, Hyukjae and Donghae behave same everywhere, on air, in dorms, while hanging out, everywhere. But this naturalness, this freeness, is not innate; Donghae knows it is the resultant of the dorky but super cute Hyukjae’s funny gestures, his talks, his efforts into opening him. _Just him_. Fans throughout the world may say otherwise but he knows that he is the shy, awkward one who just laughs in Hyukjae’s presence.

 

 

_Romantic?_

 

It would be really ironical to box him into the title of romantic; Hyukjae is a real dork. Even Donghae knew what to do when they kissed for the very first time. And them being them, they had laughed it off, blaming each other for the teeth clashes and lip bruises. It was a happy night in the dorm, just after their ‘U’ win. Happy with the most awaited award winning, many members had left to visit their families, only after having a grand SUJU celebration at the dorm. The event had been tear-jerking in many ways, the elation was inevitable and so was the speech afterwards. Donghae missed his father, who was just sick at that time. He had decided to stay the night at the dorm with Yesung and Leeteuk.

He was deep in slumber when he heard the dorm room open. At that time, the thirteen members shared three rooms and that day, the three remaining members were sleeping in different rooms. Donghae had always been blamed for being the lightest sleeper and at that time, he was thankful for that. No words were exchanged as the familiar figure approached him. The newcomer plopped down beside him, murmuring a greeting. The tension in the air was just there ~~,~~ ; Donghae could feel it. And then they kissed, no confession, nothing. Donghae need not list words to say, moments to ponder that Hyukjae loved him back. He just knew it then.

 

They had decided to come clean to members months after that night. Donghae held Hyukjae tightly as the latter announced the inevitable to their friends, who were currently having a food feast courtesy Ryeowook. “Donghae and I are in a relationship ,” he had plainly said, no hesitation visible in his voice. The room went silent for a while, only to convert into a chaos of different sets of reactions.

 

_“Finally.” It was Ryeowook who came running down from kitchen isle to wrap Donghae in a messy hug._

 

_“Oh lord, when did this happen?” Siwon’s eyebrows disappeared behind his hair as he stared at the new couple in bafflement._

 

_“Aish seriously....You could have found someone better than this monkey here, Hae,” Heechul snorted with disgust, irritation evident on his face._

 

_“This boy here, I knew something fishy was going on between you two.” Shindong fist pumped with Hyukjae, all smiles._

 

_“And you never told me, Hyuk? My reaction would have been like this horse here if I hadn’t seen you sneaking around so often.” Sungmin locked his arms across his chest as he eyed them with interest._

 

_“I am happy for you two. But I would still like you guys to keep it low. It would be really troublesome if SM comes to know about it.” Jungsu’s smile was genuine._

 

_“No funny business in front of us. I will ban you from seeing each other if I find even a single incident.” Kangin’s strict tone was terrifying, but they knew that the big guy was just joking when they saw a small slip-up smile on his face._

 

_“Hyukjae, take a good care of my crazy friend,” Kibum spoke in a proud voice, camouflaging the pain that could still be seen in his dark orbs. Donghae had known it. He knew Kibum felt something for him and he was sorry for not able to reciprocate the feelings._

 

_“What is happening here?” Hankyung was slow to digest the scene in front of him and threw a questioning glance at Heechul, who just shrugged and went back to his food._

 

_“Ddangkkoma was telling me he saw you kissing but I had ignored him,” Yesung commented from his seat beside amused Sungmin, who was trying hard to stifle his laughter._

 

_Kyuhyun took a long glance at the couple, looked around, snickered and went back to his game._

 

 

 

_Possessive?_

 

Donghae knows Hyukjae gets attached easily and if he takes a person as his, Hyukjae can go to any heights to not to let that person go, even from his eyesight. Sora noona once told him that when she and Hyukjae were younger, her brother latched himself on her every single time she went out- be it for shopping or just a hangout with her friends. Hyukjae is still the same. However annoyed she gets, Hyukjae is adamant to be with her on his free days. She wonders what will happen if she gets married one day.

 

Donghae loves Hyukjae’s sister and she adores him back. Hyukjae’s family is just like his family; he finds his mother in Hyukjae’s mother and often fights with the possessive Hyukjae for her attention. Hyukjae’s dad is just like his father, whom he misses so much. He could not control the jealousy bubbling deep in his heart when he saw the two siblings together for the very first time, taking the pretty girl to be a fling of Hyukjae's. Sora noona had laughed at his serious expression at that time, supplying the truth and enjoying the sudden pinking of Donghae’s face.

 

Donghae is proud that Hyukjae is possessive for him. Hyukjae tries to hide it from showing, but he cannot exactly hide the scowls and blanking of face whenever Siwon indulges in an incredulous fanservice round with Donghae. Siwon just loves to tease the lean boy, doing excessive pecking and touching just to irritate Hyukjae. They have a long glare match back at dorm every single time the fans shout ‘Sihae’. It was the same when Kibum was there ; Hyuk is the least subtle person. Despite the low score of touches and hugs with Kibum, Donghae had to assure every night that he loved him only, only Hyukjae.

 

 

_Caring?_

 

How can this word justify the many days and months of Hyukjae’s soothing presence beside weeping on Donghae when his dad passed away? Or coping up with the sudden shopping and food cravings of the latter? Or spending all his money on the smaller just to see that cheesy grin on his face?

Donghae knows Hyukjae will do that just for him.

Just like him, Hyukjae is the maknae of the family, always pampered, and always cared of. But he never misses any opportunity to spoil Donghae, just like a good elder, even though he whines about it on air. Donghae loves to feel special, and Hyukjae makes him feel it every day even if they don’t go on expensive dates or Hyukjae gifts him with precious things.

 

 

_Eunhyuk?_

 

Lee Hyukjae is Lee Hyukjae for Donghae, not Eunhyuk that the world called him. For Donghae, those two are different people, different personalities. Lee Eunhyuk is his friend, a colleague, dance partner, rap partner but Lee Hyukjae is his love, his support system, his everything. So, many times his on-air slipups were just a way to show whom he was talking about. Those pillow lips were of Hyukjae alone, not the make-up induced one of Eunhyuk.

 

Donghae & Hyukjae. 

The overwhelming feeling of seeing those two names bonded with each other on album covers, CDs, digitals, youtube and posters/banners is something Donghae can never let go of.  He is so glad that SM decided to give his thought a chance, of the formation of D&E rather than a solo digital for Donghae alone. Donghae would give up solos anytime for Hyukjae. How many times had he pasted rectangular notes spelling ‘Hyukjae’ upon the printed 'Eunhyuk' the covers, CDs he bought? Fifty? Maybe a hundred. Hyukjae finds it very amusing but never questions his crazy ideas.

 

 

Hyukjae may not know, but the summer night at Jeju was not the first time Donghae felt completely full. They had seen stars and the rising sun, wrapped up in a thin excuse of a sheet, skin blending with skin. The night was beautiful, the dawn was beautiful; Hyukjae in his warmth was more than beautiful. But ~~,~~ Donghae had felt complete for every day since he had got Hyukjae’s love, his care.

 

Hyukjae may not know this, but the loss of words when they first met was not out of shyness as the latter is so adamant on believing just to tease Donghae; it was pure mesmerisation. Bold and confident Eunhyuk was perfect for others, dorky and awkward Hyukjae was perfect for Donghae.

 

 

 

“Lee Donghae, what are you so wrapped up into?”

 

Donghae looked up from his position on the bed. A soft sigh left his lips as he noted the person standing near to him. Cropped hair, black uniform. How long had he blanked out?

 

Standing up, he rubbed the back of his head, grinning lowly, totally aware of his day-dreaming nature.

 

“Umm...I was just packing, Hukwon-ssi,” he supplied with a smile. He had gotten approval for a limited vacation period from Nonsan Army Training Center and was to leave at four today.

 

The other guy chuckled with humour, patting him on the back and leaving the room after he signalled Donghae to finish soon. Hastily, he set the framed picture that he had been gazing for so long on the bedside table while getting indulged in the rigorous packing of any visible thing of importance. Clothes he need not take, underwear may be. Strapping on his beloved bracelet that he had brought with him even to the center, he put on a simple tee over his vest, all ready for the leave. The picture was the last thing in the bag, but the first thing on Donghae’s mind.

 

 

Yesung hyung had paid him a visit last month, bringing his happy smile and loads of food made by Ryeowook. He had really missed the maknae’s food; in the army, the food was okay, but not Ryeowook’s. The smaller made savories with so much love that even a bowl of ramyun by him made Donghae full. Yesung had brought him a picture too, sent by Hyukjae. The funniest part was even though he was angry with the said person, Donghae could not help but smile at the formal envelope that encased the picture stating the receiver was ‘LEE DONGHAE- The Hottest Policeman ever’.

 

_“He knows that the gifts are going to be checked, right?” Donghae could not help but ask his hyung._

 

_“Don’t ask me questions, Hae. He forbade me to take even a peek at the words written there.” Yesung pointed at the envelope lying lazily in Donghae’s hands._

 

_“Aish that stupid monkey...   What does he even want now?” Donghae was pissed for sure, but Hyukjae’s sweet gesture somehow coaxed him. At least, Hyukjae felt apologetic towards his behaviour._

 

_“He didn’t tell me anything, I swear. He just said something about.....” Noticing Donghae’s raised eyebrow, Yesung gave in, “He is sorry. Very sorry. He did not utter a word, but we know each other from years and I just know that he was ashamed of what he did.”_

 

 

 

Donghae knew that fighting was useless. They had a relationship that wasn’t toothache ~~-~~ inducing sweet rather a bruise-inducing one, physically or mentally. Hyukjae did not say words; he showed them, leaving the talking part to Donghae. But just a day before his enlistment, Hyukjae spoke.

 

_“I don’t want you coming with me to Army center.”_

 

_The sudden order baffled Donghae. Hyukjae never ordered him around for anything; he was the one to do that part._

 

_They had been sitting in the 12th-floor living room; Hyukjae had just come home from visiting his family in order to spend this night with Donghae._

 

_“W-Why?” The question came out to be in a stutter._

 

_“Donghae, I just want to go in peace. Not with multiple cameras shouting ‘Eunhae’ on my face while I enter for the rigorous training.” Hyukjae was serious as he spoke._

 

_This was too much for Donghae. He detached himself from the latter and sat up, eyes fixed Hyukjae’s to see any kind of amusement in it. He just waited for that moment when the gummy smile would appear, saying that it was all a joke. It never came. Instead, Hyukjae looked away, breaking the eye contact Donghae was so determined to maintain._

 

_“Y-you are ashamed of us? Hyukj- Hyukkie... Look at me... please.” Donghae’s voice was breaking already. An unknown tear rolled out of his left cheek._

 

_“No, I am not.” Then he turned to look at Donghae, pain visible in his eyes. “Hae, I will be entering an army center… who knows how the environment will be...… who knows whether...”_

 

_“Whether you will be accused of being in a relationship with your own bandmate, a guy.” Donghae had to be strong; he clenched his jaw, hand forming into tight fists. He got up and left the dorm immediately, not able to handle the situation. He did not know what to extract from the situation- Hyukjae was ashamed of him? Or was he afraid of what lied ahead? Hyukjae’s voice trailed after him._

 

_“Donghae… Hae… Listen...”_

 

Needless to say, he did not drop Hyukjae off and neither did he allow media to interrupt his entry two days later. Hyukjae got what he wanted. No one was shouting EUNHAE. No fuss, no Donghae.

 

 

 

Donghae could not keep his eyes on the picture for a whole month. Hyukjae was really silly and he dared call him that. It was of him and Hyukjae at the KISS THE RADIO broadcast, wherein he had appeared as a guest DJ with the sole reason to irritate his Hyukjae. The picture was natural and cute with heavy smiles painted upon their faces, fresh in love. The yellow tee shirt that he had worn that day was a gift from Hyukjae. Behind that printout, a short message was inscribed.

 

 

_“It was never EUNHAE idiot. It is and will always be Hyukhae. Hyuk’s Hae. My Hae.”_

 

 

And little doodles were made on the backside, anime eyes of his and Hyukjae’s, little hearts. Who knew Hyukjae could be this sappy. But this was sweet nevertheless. Donghae found himself lost in his thoughts again.

 

Yesung had said that Hyukjae was taking a leave on the mid of December, so Donghae applied for the same date. Hyukjae did not know of his plans; he did not tell him beforehand.

 

Hopping through the army center’s gate, he got on the wagon, ready to be taken to his location. _To Seoul_. On the way, he dropped a small text to Hyukjae asking him to meet at their usual place.

 

It was chilly outside. So, he kept on his furry coat, ready to curl into a ball while he waited in that small cafe by the riverside. The cafe was owned by Kangin Hyung’s parents, so it was always a safe zone to meet up and talk there, even when they were young. They often visited as a whole group bringing a warm smile to Kangin’s mother’s wrinkly but pretty face. Many times they were given private booths, just like today, but Donghae had requested it this time.

 

 

He had been counting the branches of the snow-clad tree outside when a soft clearing of the throat was heard. Hyukjae stood at the entrance of the booth in his beige jacket and white vest, wearing a mask and a worn off snapback. He had his backpack with him.

A smirk grew on Donghae’s face.

 

 

“What crime did you commit just now that you are trying to take refuge here?” Donghae spoke in a confident tone.

 

“Where are you coming from? Antarctica? You look ugly,” Hyukjae snapped, taking steps further into the room and making himself all comfortable on Donghae’s side. Their arms touched.

 

“Oh please, you agreed that I was a hot policeman and I have written proof this time. You cannot back out, mister.” Donghae quirked his eyebrows.

 

“Okay, okay fine. I give up.” He glanced at his lover for years. “Am I forgiven? For...you know.” Hyukjae slowed his tone, looking at Donghae with uncertainty.

 

“You would have died if I didn’t find the sappy message cute. You are so so so lucky that I love you.” Donghae sighed loudly, dropping his head on Hyukjae’s, shoulder, eyes drooping. He was really tired from the whole day of fieldwork. “I missed you.”

 

“I know.” Hyukjae slipped his hand on the smaller’s waist, gripping him tight and dropping a small kiss on his head. “You didn’t tell me you were taking a vacation too. I would have prepared.”

 

“What preparation?” Donghae asked lazily, eliciting a loud laugh from the other.

 

“You don’t remember? Why do I have to be always the one to remember? And you always blame it on your fish brain.” Hyukjae started rambling.

 

“Happy anniversary, Hyukkie.” Donghae cut his monologue off, getting up slowly only to drop back again after placing a chaste kiss on Hyukjae’s right cheek. “It has been nine years. It was all a dream, those years with you, a beautiful dream. I don’t want to wake up ever.”

 

Hyukjae looked startled, not able to make up coherent sentences, so Donghae filled in the lack of speech, “Where is my gift?”

 

“Why do you always want gifts, Hae? I have to pay every single time we are out even though you earn more than me.” Hyukjae spoke softly, no hint of annoyance visible in his voice.

 

“You still did not gift me that Tiffany’s necklace that you promised me on my 22nd birthday. I am keeping counts, you know.”

 

“If that would have been solely for you, I would have given it. But who in the hell asks for the entire group?” Donghae let out a soft laugh, sensing Hyukjae’s stare on him.

 

“You still did not get me. Anyways, don’t distract me, where is my gift?”

 

Letting out a sigh of defeat, Hyukjae went for his bag taking out a small book from it. Donghae’s eyes went wide practically gleaming with glee.

 

“Your lyrics book? You are gifting me your lyrics book?”

 

“Hmmm… I thought what else could be perfect to gift you other than this. It has all those cuts and marks and inspirations. Only a few of final writings.” Hyukjae was blushing suddenly, peaking Donghae’s curiosity. He had never seen Hyukjae’s lyrics book, the mysteries that the small book held that Hyukjae was hell bent for not letting people touch it.

 

“Are you sure?” Donghae asked for permission as he held that thick leather bound notebook offered to him in his hands. He saw Hyukjae’s sure nod before opening to the first page.

 

 

There in bold, Hyukjae’s name was written with doodles of music notes, indicating whose book it was. The calligraphy was distinctively Hyukjae’s with fewer curls and more clarity. However, the next page has him sending unseen fireworks to the sky.

 

 

_LEE DONGHAE, My love_

 

 

Hyukjae had involved him in everything sans his writing. He knew that he could not write without Hyukjae, but it was never the other way around. This new feeling of involvement in the untouched sent him to the cloud nine.

 

The first few pages were blank sans some random words, but the fifth and sixth page made Donghae jump in joy. 

Hyukjae had penned his name everywhere, drawing his face, his nose, his laugh, his activities and everything. There were some lyrics inserted here and there, totally unknown to him but a feeling that those beautiful words were directed to him was overwhelming. He could not control hot tears from escaping his eyes and smudging words on the book.

 

 

_In 100 smiles I only hear you~~_

_In 100 persons I only see you~~_

_In 100 tears I only want to comfort yours~~_

_When I'm with you I'm holding galaxy in my hand even if my foot rips with wounds I will constantly run to you_

_I want to cross that bridge of hesitation as I watch how darkness swallows your shadow and you fade away...~~_

 

Trying to hold back tears, he choked out his words, “It is beautiful Hyukkie… I don't know what else to say.”

 

Hyukjae wrapped him in his embrace wordlessly. Hyukjae never demanded answers, not ever, not now.

 

Breaking the hug after a while, Hyukjae planted a big kiss on his forehead.

 

“Happy anniversary.”

 

Hyukjae need not say those three words of affection ~~,~~ ; they had been staring him blazingly from the end page of the book, shouting loudly.

 

 

_~Fire in your eyes is burning my heart, heating my body, when you look at me I shatter into pieces lime puzzle~_

_Going back and forth, is that improvement? For me paradise is your warm embrace of safety baby~_

_Please listen to me say_

_I Love You_

 

 

It was 2015, but Donghae still could not help but feel the same mushiness and freeing of dozens of butterflies he had felt when he had first locked eyes with the single-lidded boy at the practice room back in 2001.


End file.
